PP said he sold insurance; not life insurance, but health insurance. He made it clear that he did not do anything fancy like an actuary, and did not know how to read the "amateurization tables" like the sophisticates do. He was flirting with several women, including Stench Mouth (SM) and her "posse" of babes. SM and the ladies did not know who PP was at first, so they called him "Insurance Man".
SM asked PP how long humans could live. PP said 120 years, but this was met with derision and disbelief by the women, who did not think anyone could live to 120. One of them said "SM , he is pulling your boob" (is that a common expression?). SM said she believed that no one could live past 92, and then changed her mind and said 89.
The women were excited, and constantly tripped over each other and talked over each other trying to talk. However, they did try to allow each other a chance to speak:
G1: you crack on girl
SM: no you go
G1: no you
SM: you go
G1: you go
SM: no you get on with it
G1: go ahead
SM: why don't you talk?
G1: after you
SM: go ahead and say something
G1: no you
SM: you go
G1: you
SM: no you
Finally SM tried to make some sort of analogy:
SM: Suppose you are playing a game of rounders
G1: Can you not have baseball?
SM: We don't play baseball.
G1: They wont understand rounders. What about softball?
SM: We don't have softball.
There was a lot of giggling and cackling at this. SM never got to her analogy:
SM: By the way we kick your ass...the crocker's ass... Down Under I mean.
G1: I really need a wee but I am afraid I might miss something.
PP: Is that the game you play with a flat paddle that is not even aerodynamic?
G1: I need a wee. Can I have a wee?
SM: You mean rowing.
G1: He means cricket. I need a wee.
PP: Of course I mean cricket.
G1. I need a wee. Don't anyone talk when I am gone. I don't want to miss anything.
I am not sure what she was afraid she would miss. I didn't hear anything particularly earthshaking or important or interesting in the conversation. It just sounded like a bunch of dopes getting stupider and stupider talking to each other:
PP: This might surprise you but only about 12% of the US population went to college. I am one of them.
Wow that is surprising.
PP: I want to sell cryotherapy insurance.
G1: I thought you wanted to sell radiotherapy insurance.
SM: That is a pretty cruel thing to sell.
PP: Cryotherapy.
SM: I know cryotherapy. They chop your head off like Disney and freeze it.
After some general merriment, there was a pause in the conversation.
SM: Someone else please talk
PP: What is different between interruption and an interjection?
SM: Can I get insurance if I shag one of the guys in this room and I get pregnant ? Will you insure me for the medical bills?
G1: Ultrasound? Cesarean?
Mrs. B: My jeans are alright, do not panic. My jeans are alright.
G1: What if SM flew over to Mrs. B and Mrs. B stuck his magic wand in her? Cinderella would keep quiet.
M: I don't know about that. My wife has a really good right hook... I will give you D who will show you gals.
G1: SM what if you breed with D? Would you insure her then?
M: SM would shorten D's life expectancy. Not the act, but having to live with her.
SM: You would look in the mirror and say who am I? I have had the best sex of my life and lie down and die.
G1: Do you insure people if they have accidents with their blow up dolls?
SM: I have seen a TV show about these real life dolls. It was really strange.
PP: I am going to get rid of my blow up doll. It is good for carpooling.
SM: And they are good for hand jobs!
M: If I check the website for the real doll, will you get it out of my history?
SM: I want a real live cat. I love my cat.
G1: A male cat you can have sex with. A bit of bestiality.
PP: You can have them make the real doll with the face of whoever you like. For example, Kimber Henry from the Nip Tuck show.
SM: I know who Kimber Henry is. Hellooooo. She fucked him, and then she fucked him. She sucks off women. A transvestite.
G1: I am a transvestite. Will you insure me?
SM: Her vagina was not finished, so it did not have the depth. A younger man wouldn't know that.
G1: I am going to fuck Kimber Henry. She is genius. She is a porn star.
SM: She is quite religious. They didn't show the fucking part on Fox News. Really annoying.
M: Change the subject.
SM: Who is going to see Osama Bin La La?
G1: He is going to come eat your cherry.
SM: Can anyone hear me?
M: No one can hear you SM because you are muted.
C: M, my son in love, has D been teaching you? That is why you are talking so much. Shut up please. Chill out.
G1: Oh my god SM, she has no brains.
SM: What are you talking about?
G2: Just fucking forget it.
SM: Can anyone hear me?
X: I can't hear you.
SM: Who are you?
The conversation was just sort of stream-of-consciousness nonsense:
SM: Put trousers on C and call yourself lovely.
G1: Yep, God shave the queen.
SM: God shave the C.
G1: If you can't shave yourself you can't take the throne.
SM: Fuck off.
PP: Charles is the most ugly male I ever saw.
M: I don't like anyone who eats with their hands.
SM: I quite like eating my food with my hands. Not my feet. It is very sensual.
M: Do you drink wine SM?
SM: Yes... I would with my hands though.
M: Do you drink the wine crushed with feet?
SM: Indeed I do...So eat with your hands; Turkish food, Greek food, Middle Eastern...shoving it into your gob. It is quite gorgeous...I love sushi; spring rolls.
At this point, she made a sound like a pirate:
SM: Arrr! Oh my god...wasabi. I dip in there. I do way too much, and it makes my nose run.
X: You know how to eat wasabi? Mix it with soy sauce.
SM: Awwww... wow, ok.
X: Don't eat wasabi raw.
SM: Ok.
X: Then between courses, eat ginger to clear out your taste buds.
SM: ...a real good dinner party in the UK...I am talking about a 12 course dinner...
M: Isn't that greedy when people are starving in the world?
SM: No.
PP: The food you get you shouldn't throw out...Shouldn't waste. Some assholes who hunt, they leave the kill.
G1: That is different what you are saying, insurance guy.
PP: I am not insurance guy, I am PP.
SM: PP! Oh my god I know who you are.
PP: If you are going to hunt you should use all the animal.
G1: SM is talking about wasting a bit of lettuce and potatoes, not the whole bloody thing. It is ok if she does what she does. She has earned it.
PP: But it is not ok to waste food.
SM: Your example is too extreme.
PP: No you didn't get it. I wasn't comparing.
G1: Everybody wastes food. It depends on what degree we are talking about.
SM: People leaving a few potatoes it is really no big deal.
M: If you are Irish it matters. Or Dutch. Or English.
SM: Speaking of fishing though, I really hate scallops. They are like little little bollocks.
G1: I barbecue them in the shell on the barbie, with herbs and butter.
M: Do you think American football is tougher than rugby?
SM: You are kidding me.
PP: Soccer is gay.
SM: Shut the fuck up. David Beckham is a homo.
M: Really?
G1: His wife is a lesbian.
SM: They are having another baby I think. She has a tiny little butthole.
G1: Really?
In almost every conversation with Brits, sooner or later they start talking about anal sex and buttholes.
SM: Fucking hell, pike are vicious. If you swim with them, they bite you.
PP: They taste good.
M: They are tasty.
G1: My father caught a shark once.
PP: It would be gross if you went to clean a shark and you realized there were human parts inside. Talking about fish boning...
SM: I knew you were a homo. That is disgusting.
G1: I would talk about boning with you. I don't mind.
M: What is the weather like in Tasmania?
G1: Bloody cold. I have thermals on, thermal leggings on...Are you naked insurance man? You can be naked if you want to be. You are with friends.
PP: Go to mebeam and it is just gays jerking each other.
G1: I want to see a wanger. I am going into a room called wank.
PP: After Skypecasts went down it went all gay. Not even usually women, just men.
SM: X, where are you from?
X: I am in the UK ...southern UK...Kent.
SM: I wasn't too far. Where did you grow up?
X: London...South London .
SM: You dirty bastard, I am from North London. Whereabouts in South London? You sound like you are on speed or something.
G1: This guy has a humongous ding dong... No, really.
SM: Give me the link... When I was in college we did a Fawlty Towers sketch. We changed it to Farty Towels. We were very impressed with ourselves.
PP: It sounds like a satire.
SM: It wasn't satirical at all. Satirical is something that makes a mockery of the daily day. Fawlty Towers is about a fucking bed and breakfast.
Then she noticed that I was listening to the discussion, so she said:
SM: You write blog posts about me. You are a cunt on a stick. I will put on my strap on up there. KK, get a fucking bondage on your boy. I cant think of something outrageous to say. I am not interesting.
Ah yes, more anal sex talk from Brits. Fancy that. Then a few minutes later she said:
SM: If my bumhole counts as a vagina I have two vaginas.
A: Hello girls. What are we talking about?
G1: We are talking about extra parts like having two vaginas.
A: The only think I got extra is brains man.
SM summarized things, and then lectured us a bit about Kuwait:
SM: We found out he is PP and we threw up on our own shoes. I am in Kuwait and no one answers the call to prayer. No one goes to pray. Not a fucking one. Not one single bugger of them. I have no idea why they make such a big deal about their religion. If you are going to make it a big deal, at least go and pray. Instead they go to Burger King or Pizza Hut, shoving their faces full of food. Also, these girls are sluts. They so are. They bump into you and go tee hee hee. Walking around with my husband, it pisses me off. Of course, we never wear our wedding rings, so they see him a single Westerner. They probably think I am his sister. Oh god, how disgusting.
C: or his grand daughter
SM: I am only 7, 8 years older than him...Wait, no younger. Can you imagine what K comes over here? What the hell is she going to do? She says, "we have a caaaaake". I can't do Australian.
G1: Proper Australian accent...
PP: Your shoes are wet? I don't think that is why your shoes are wet.
SM: How dare you! I will slap you in your face with a kipper! KK, say something.
KK: How can I compete with two vaginas? Can I talk about exercise programs? Are you vegetarians or meat eaters? Guys do you eat meat?
PP: Yes, especially the hairy beaver.
SM: How disgusting! Slap yourself in the face. Oh my God I want to punch you in the baby makers. Shut up! On YouTube I saw some guy who said there were niggers in my back yard and he shot them. Nasty 007 this your pants out ways to killing people. I will kick your bollocks in... How often have you seen the white puddle? Stop wanking! ... I slept with 4 American guys and all fucked...
D explained why he had a problem with A. D had told A his real name, "Sammy" and in an argument, A revealed it in a sneering manner. A claimed he had not used the name "Sammy", but had used "Sandy". It did not sound very believable, frankly, particularly given the long line of blatant lies A has tried to push before. Of course, A likes to back his lies up by threatening to kill anyone who expresses disbelief in any statement he makes. Yes, very compelling. And such a big man. I am impressed....
D referred to A living in the Ukraine:
Mucus: A doesn't live in the Ukraine. He lives in Crimea. He lives in Kiev.
A: That is right.
Does anyone ever look at a map? Oh that is right, we are talking about Mucus. Mucus has had a computer for 2 years and still does not know how to use Google. Never mind.
At this Mucus launched into a little song, that had as the chorus:
Mucus: D, D, orange pit, Tell us a story...
It did not make any sense to me.
S: Mucus you are not allowed in the United States. You are a convicted felon.
Mucus: I am allowed in. Why would I want to go there? I can go to any country but Turkey.
D: Why can't you go to Turkey?
Mucus, in an angry expletive-laden rant, claimed that no one who had a Greek last name could go to Turkey since his brother had tried to take a ferry from Cyprus to Turkey 15 years ago and had been refused. Mucus was furious about everything, and started threatening to kill anyone listening. S asked him why he was so angry, and asked if he had had anything to eat yet that day (it was about 5 pm UK time). Mucus confirmed that he had not had anything to eat all day, and maybe for a couple of days.
D, who lives in Greece, said that was a bit strange since the Greek people he knew went to Turkey all the time with Greek passports, and they all had Greek last names. This just made Mucus angrier and he threatened to kill everyone that he could get his hands on, particularly those listening:
Mucus: Is Greece Cyprus? Is Cyprus Greece? It is not the same country. Might speak the same language. My brother couldn't go to Turkey since his last name is Greek on his UK passport. Greek people cannot go to Turkey...Why do I want to go to fucking Turkey? It is a fucking shithole. It is full of fucking bathhouses and queers. They are Muslims man. America is pushing for Turkey to join the EU. All know they are pushing for Turkey to join the EU. Sort out their own back yard first. I would go a thousand miles to avoid going to Turkey. What is Turkey for me? It is full of queers. It is a shithole.
D: The sensitivity of Greek immigration has been relaxed. You can go for a day trip. Or a week trip.
Mucus: I won't spend 5 minutes or a day in Turkey let alone a day trip. My brother tried to go 15 years ago but with a Greek name he couldn't. Fact is he couldn't.
D: He can now... Mucus have you read the bible?
Mucus: I haven't read one sentence in the bible. I would rather read truth or facts. Not going to read a book of bullshit, Hebrew schmuck. Eat your fucking pork.
S: Mucus is not allowed in T's room.
PP: Why?
Z: He called T's wife a fat cunt.
Mucus: Probably is if she is American.
L: Mucus, I am the future mother of your child and this is how you talk to me?
Mucus: Probably is if she is American.
This was punctuated by heavy mouth breathing by Mucus. The cavalcade of idiocy continued:
X: I am going to get a job in the highway commission.
Mucus: Why are the roads so bad around here?
X: Water expands when it freezes.
PP: Does it really?
X: Water freezes and it expands.
PP: Does it really?
At this point, the guys realized that the women were not speaking. This often happens in Skypeland. There is a conversation with girls in it, and guys move in and dominate it, usually talking about complete boring nonsense and getting into fights. Before you know it, all the women have wandered off.
X: Where are the tarts?
D: Mucus, have you read the bible?
Mucus: I read about a sentence.
A: Mucus, can you explain the Big Bang Theory?
Mucus: There was a big bang meteor, crashing to earth and starting life.
A: Wrong.
Mucus: Go on and explain it to me. When I hear big bang I think good sex. That is the only big bang theory I am interested in.
A: You haven't heard of the big bang?
Mucus: Of course I have heard of it. I can't comprehend as you well know. If the galaxy has any sense it will be moving away from this fucking shithole.
S: I am out and about and doing some work.
Mucus: Have I got a big cock? At least I haven't been circumcised. It my advantage mate believe me. I can eat pork and I can eat bacon.
X: What does that have to do with it?
Mucus: Usually if you are circumcised you are a Jew and Jews don't eat pork and bacon, do they?
D: Did you know Muslims are circumcised? You don't know much. You thought there were 30 million Jews in Israel.
Mucus: So what? Seven million Jews. Why repeat yourself? ...Pigs...Has to do with the dirty animals. Pigs will eat human bodies you know.
S: What?
Mucus: You are pants over trousers.
S: What does that mean?
Mucus: Ha, ha. Pants over trousers.
S: You should eat something. Maybe a sandwich with mayonnaise.
Mucus: Mayonnaise is fucking Dutch. We don't have mayonnaise here. We have salad cream.
S: Salad cream? No mayonnaise?
Mucus: I told you it is a fucking Dutch thing. Salad cream looks like mayonnaise but tastes a bit better.
S: You have to eat.
Mucus: I understand protein and what kind of parbohydrates I have to take in.
S: You have steroid rage.
Mucus: One moment I am on steroid the next moment I am starving.
S: You Brits are eating Yankee fish.
Mucus: What is a Yankee fish? Is that a smelly pussy in America?
S: I am putting lime on the garden.
Mucus: You don't put that on the garden. You use fucking manure.
Mucus became angrier and angrier, and threatened to kill everyone listening. His sidekick Mrs. B came in. It was early evening UK time.
S: What did you eat today Mrs. B?
Mrs. B: I have had a cream bun today. It was be-yooooooooo-tiful. And tea.
That is all he had eaten all day. Maybe for a couple of days. Mrs. B has a very poor diet. He proudly told us a couple of months ago that he had not had a single fresh vegetable or piece of fruit since early October. No fresh fruit or vegetables for months and months.
Mucus: America is no good since you got no castles.
PP: We have a castle in Death Valley.
Mucus: Death Fucking Valley.
S: I am gardening today.
Mucus: Americans dont know nothing about gardening that is why you have Mexicans, you lazy fat bastards. I am going to kill you all.
S: Mucus you don't have anything to eat and you have no money. You have to buy a plane ticket to fly over here to kill us. You have no money for a plane ticket.
Mucus: I have money.
S: Mucus buys one liter at a time. If he has a lot of money he puts in 10 liters.
Mucus: One minute I am a dumbfuck Brit and the next moment I am a millionaire.
I have never heard anyone say Mucus is a millionaire. I do not know where he got that idea.
S: G, take over you have a couple of crazy Brits here suffering from malnutrition.
G: Every time a shithouse stinks you leave it don't you?
And so I left.
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