Licorice Allsorts

Not everyone in Skypeland is a complete raving lunatic, just the interesting ones. However, it does seem sometimes that almost everyone in Skypeland is deranged, dopey, drooling, drunk or disorderly.

My friend J from Skypeland told me a story about the incredibly luscious AN who logs into Skypeland from New Zealand. AN has a lovely soft pleasant voice. AN is gorgeous, and smart and very funny. AN does not appear drunk. AN does not make crazy statements. In short, AN is a bit out of place in Skypeland.

However, J tells me that AN has a secret side. Although AN is normally a health food Nazi and exercise fanatic, AN has a serious thing for various types of "lollies". Once in a while, AN will gorge herself on "lollies" like licorice allsorts, "musk sticks", Jersey caramels, milk bottles, and mint leaves. As AN says, she enjoys all "nana lollies".

Although AN is usually very calm and rational and quiet, after she gets enough sugar in her system, she undergoes a Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde transformation, and becomes a raving wild woman. J tells me that AN's daughter is afraid to be around AN after AN has consumed a sufficient quantity of lollies, and begs her mother not to eat them. In fact, J is afraid to talk to AN after AN has had too many sweets.

Once AN is sufficiently full of sugar, she talks and talks and talks nonstop. AN jumps from topic to topic in rapid succession when she has had too many lollies. Although J normally has a lot of affection for AN, when she is just hopped up on sugar, J tells me that all he can think of doing is giving AN a good hard savage "root" (or as AN says, a "rooty tooty") just to shut AN up. And then do it again. And again, until AN finally stops talking. J has noticed he gets an immediate and uncomfortable priapism when AN is wired on lollies. And while AN drones on and on and on about insignificant minutae, J is very uncomfortable, being both bored out of his mind and very aroused.

So who knew. Maybe licorice allsorts are some sort of aphrodisiac. But not in the way most people think of aphrodisiacs.


Aside

Musk sticks are a common and popular form of candy "down under". They are pink candies that are flavored with "musk". That is right, the musk that goes into perfume and comes out of the anal glands of assorted animals. There are lots of musk flavored candies down under; there are even musk-flavored Life Savers!

I tried some musk candies when I went to Australia. I immediately had to spit them out. They taste just vile. I was so disgusted that I brought a large number of them home to America for my friends and family to try. Almost everyone who tried them had the same reaction I did; complete repulsion.

The one exception I have found in the US are the dogs and cats. I discovered this when a musk-flavored candy was dropped by accident on the floor in someone's home. Immediately the cat was chasing it around, batting it, sniffing it and licking it. Dogs have the same response. I think that when dogs and cats smell and lick musk candies, they realize what they are encountering; something that smells and tastes like an animal's butt. And they love it, of course. And so it is fantastic to them.

I am just not quite sure why the Kiwis and Aussies like them.


Addendum

AN has asked that she get a nickname as well, and suggested "Miss Chi Chi". Although Miss Chi Chi is cute, I have decided to call her Luscious Legs the Licorice Lover from NZ (LLLL from NZ). I hope this meets with her approval and that J does not get too jealous with me taking liberties with his "woman".