Window lickers

Something that is quite remarkable about Skypeland is the profusion of accents from around the world that you can hear. One of the most difficult native English accents to understand for most English speakers is probably the Yorkshire accent. The Yorkshire accent is characterized by an inability or unwillingness to pronounce consonants; there is almost a complete lack of enunciation and articulation in Yorkshireese. A few Yorkshiremen who come to Skypeland are almost completely incomprehensible, even to their fellow countrymen.

For example, in Yorkshireese, "button" sounds like "unh-onnh", "bottle" sounds like "baw-ugh", "water" sounds like "waah-ehh" and "butter" sounds like "buuh-uh". Yorkshire English resembles a series of guttural ejaculations, murmurs, mutters, grumbles and grunts, more akin to animal noises than human speech.

In places where people actually pronounce English words roughly the way they are written, youngsters who speak in this way would be sent to a "special school", riding on the "short bus". All children have had an experience in which one of their classmates leaves a huge turd in the urinal, or an impressively well-formed "steamer" on the floor of the boys room because they still have not quite figured out how to use a toilet at the age of 9. Very soon after some kid has "pinched off" an errant anal loaf in the wrong place, the adults recognize this as a signature of something that can not be spoken of openly, but only whispered about in hushed tones; "Little Davey is a...um... tard". Almost invariably, Davey sounds like he speaks a variety of Yorkshireese and drools a bit.

Davey is next seen riding the short bus, licking the window as it departs for a mysterious destination where others of Davey's ilk gather to learn how to use glue and hopefully to pronounce consonants. The bus collects little ones who are all slightly "different"; hydrocephalics, children with Down syndrome, pinheads and so on. Spastic cross-eyed children wearing helmets and orthopedic shoes who smell a little strange. Invariably, they share one characteristic however; they all sound like they come from Yorkshire.

So to normal people, Yorkshire and its environs seem like an entire region populated by short bus riders and window lickers. When you listen to some of the nonsense that Mrs. B and Mucus come out with, and notice the pride with which they advertise their lack of A-levels, you realize that you are talking to people on the lowest rung of the intellectual ladder. Even among window lickers, there are some that are more able, and some that are less able. And Mrs B and Mucus are definitely from the group that is less able.

It is not good to be on the bottom of the barrel, if that barrel is full of a bunch of window lickers.

Addendum

After some pondering, I realize that the Scottish variety of English is not particularly clear either. However, one might reasonably pose the question, "Is Scottish English even recognizable as English at all?" However, at least the Scots use consonants, even if they mangle the pronounciation of the words into something incomprehensible. The problem with Yorkshireese is that without consonants, a Yorkshireman sounds like a person who has not had enough "nonnutritive crude fiber" in his diet, and therefore is straining to squeeze one out.

Other varieties of English that are a bit difficult to understand, like pidgin English, Spanglish and Punjablish are the result of someone who has been taught English as a second or third language. This is far more forgivable, at least to my mind, than what passes for English in Yorkshire.

Addendum II

I think a perfect anthem for Mrs. B and Mucus might be a song, set to the tune of Britney Spears' song Womanizer:

Yorkshireman, where you from? Where you goin?

I know you got no clue bout what you're sayin

You got respect from your crew of fellow idiots and morons

But I know what you, what you are, buddy

Window licker, window licker, you're a window licker

Oh window licker oh you're a window licker buddy

You, you, you are, you, you you are

Window licker, Window licker, window licker