Yankee

It is interesting how many in Skypeland want to turn almost every discussion into something that focuses on their own particular interest:

*The frequently-soused loudmouth R has a fascination with men's posteriors, anal sex with men, and eating food out of men's rectums. If you talk about trees or cartoons or Texas or linguistics, before you know it R is speculating about men's butts.

*The infamous Holocaust denier and antiSemite CD turns all conversations into some attack on Jews and Israel. If you mention Stalin or Mao or Darfur, then within a sentence or two he has turned the discussion into some complaint about Jews.

*College student pothead BT turns all conversations into some speculation about Building 7, and ranting about the "Inside Job".

*Mystery man A likes to focus on attacks on those on his "enemies list", such as those who challenge his claims about assorted conspiracy theories.

*Some of the antiAmerican Brits like Mucus and Mrs. B turn most conversations into some sort of antiAmerican or anti Jewish or antiIsrael rant. Mucus tried to defend himself from this claim the other day, when he said something like, "I am not antiAmerican. I even talked to some Americans yesterday. I am not antiJewish. I even talked to a Jewish lady last night". I guess Mucus had forgotten he was talking to a room full of Jews and Americans when he said this, so this sort of defense rang pretty hollow.

Perhaps one of those in Skypeland with the most disturbing obsessions with a single topic is the pervert and mebeam wanker, Mr. Wee Wee Hands. Almost every discussion will be punctuated by murmurs and suggestions about sex, usually of a paraphilic nature.

Some find Mr. Pee Pee Pants' presence to be decidedly creepy. Numerous moderators throw Mr. Pee Wee Parts out of a Skypeland room immediately when he enters. In response, Mr. Wee Wee has taken to making death threats against those who do not find him a particularly appealing participant in most conversations. That is, his attempts at trying to entice assorted Skypelanders to see him pleasuring his "piston and bearings" on webcam ends up repulsing many in the discussion instead.

Almost every conversation is an excuse for Mr. Pee Wee Pee Pee to "whip it out" and try to steer the discussion around to an exploration of his own sexual interests:

*If someone talks about hockey. Mr. Wee Wee will quickly say something like "I like to do a bit of stick-handling meself, and could do with a good puck now and then, know what I mean?"

*If someone in the room says they have to go to a meeting, Mr. Wee Wee Hands will mutter something like "If you want to meet me meat, darlin', then that can be arranged".

*Mr. Wee Wee makes nicknames for others in Skypeland that have sexual connotations. Today he called one of the Skypeland residents "stiffy", for example.

*In a conversation about American corn subsidies, Mr. Pee Wee Parts will say something like "I like to spread some nice hot butter on a shaft of corn. Did you ever grease up a nice shaft?"

*A discussion of computer games will inevitably lead to a mention of Mr. Wee Wee's "joystick".

*If someone is talking about their favorite meat dishes, Mr. Pee Wee will interject that his favorite is something like "beef-stroke-it-off".

*If someone is discussing country music, it is likely that Mr. Pee Wee Pants will reveal that he is a "bit of a fiddler".

*If a woman is annoyed, Mr. Wee Wee Hands is likely to say something like, "Now now lovey, no need to be upset and put out. You know, an important part of putting out is putting in. I can give you a nice put-in".

*If someone remarks that a given actress has really improved lately and is "coming into her own", Mr. Wee Wee Hands will say something like "I would like to come into her own meself, know what I mean?"

*When the Skypeland forum is pondering the Somali Pirate situation, Mr. Wee Wee is likely to interrupt to ask one of the females "Did you ever want to be a pirate? Fancy a bit of jolly rogerin' an' all that? Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, I want to get a squeeze of your bum. Tha's what its all about, innit?"

* Someone who is doing some home repairs will invariably get a comment from Mr. Wee Wee like "I do a bit of handiwork. Want to see me do some handiwork on mebeam?"

*If someone asks about a favorite film, Mr Pee Pee Parts will say something like "well mine was Free Willy. I will free my willy and you can have a look if you like".

*Mr Wee Wee Pants is likely to blurt out something ridiculous at inopportune moments in a serious debate, such as noting tto a woman that "often one thing leads to another; 'ow about if my thing leads to your thing?"

*If someone is crying and upset, Mr. Wee Wee will comfort them by saying "Get a grip on yourself. I had a grip on meself just a little earlier this evenin', come to think of it".

*At the mention of Rosie the Riveter, Mr. Wee Wee will ask "Is she any relation to Rosie Palm and her five sisters ?"

*If someone went to the circus, Mr. Wee Wee Parts might very well ask a well-endowed woman in the discussion if he can "get under her big top" or get a sniff of her "underthings".

*If people are talking about basketball, Mr. Wee Wee will ask them if they want to go to mebeam and watch him engage in a little "five on one".

*At any moment during a discussion, Mr. Wee is likely to come up with some off topic comment like, "I like to jerk the gherkin" or "paddle me pickle", but he is just as likely to refer to it as "slam the ham", "spank the frank", "tickle me pickle", "thump the pump" or "yank the crank".

*Young ladies that are present will probably get an invitation from Mr. Wee Wee Bits to "a private showin' of me beam on mebeam".

* If someone is pondering whether to deal with a problem themselves or to go to the authorities, Mr. Wee Wee will say something like "I like to take me matters into me own hands".

*Women are likely to get an embarassing invitation in public from Mr. Wee Wee Man such as "'ow 'bout we get together for some slap and tickle?"

*Men are also not spared from Mr. Wee Wee's attentions, and he will often ask them what color their underpants are, or ask if they are "sausage jockeys" or "shirt lifters".

*If someone is eating a potato, Mr. Wee Wee will offer to "whip up some sour cream for that".

*One is likely to hear Mr. Wee Wee recounting stories at Christmas or on other festive occasions that have a certain naughty twist. For example, he might say something like, "Me mom caught me one time stuffin' the Christmas Turkey when company was coming over for dinner. I could'n help it, it was so warm 'n juicy, just out of the oven".

Given that Mr. Wee Wee Hands has revealed that he harbors anti-American attitudes, it is curious that Mr. Wee Wee wants to always participate in pro-American discussions in Skypeland. It has been suggested that Mr. Pee Pee Hands heard that a given pro-American discussion in Skypeland was full of "yankees". Misunderstanding what a "yankee" is, Mr. Wee Wee Hands rushed over to see if he could network with other yankers, wankers, spankers, tuggers, jerkers, strokers, and beaters and discuss things like "fondling the fig", "yanking the yoyo", "pulling the pole", "cuffing the carrot", "choking the chicken", and "beating the bishop".